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Sun, Nov. 15th, 2009, 04:32 am

Every teen considering smoking should share a hotel room with my brother. It's like spending the night in a 19th century TB clinic.

Sat, Nov. 14th, 2009, 05:34 pm

Life truth #1544: in any given bookstore, as the ratio of calendars to books approaches 1:1, the quality of that bookstore approaches 0.

Sat, Nov. 14th, 2009, 01:51 pm

Mcing. Just intro'd a rapper named "Alexie". He's mad at me for pronouncing it as it's spelled instead of "Alex-A". I am _so_ getting shot.

Sat, Nov. 14th, 2009, 04:57 am

Challenge: if MIT and Satan were given $10 trillion, could they come up with a less pleasant flying experience than the one we have now?

Fri, Nov. 13th, 2009, 07:11 am

Biiiiiiig woman on the plane next to me. So much of her flesh crept under the armrest that I think I _technically_ cheated on my wife.

Fri, Nov. 13th, 2009, 02:12 am

If MN is the Pippin of "making you want to kill yourself for lack of anything to see while driving at night", then IA is the Jordan.

Thu, Nov. 12th, 2009, 10:19 pm

New Jaymate alert: I'll be making another appearance on WIP tomorrow at 5:25 AM. If you're up that early ... reconsider your life choices.

Thu, Nov. 12th, 2009, 10:47 am

Iowa realtor Susan Hawkins is so good she doesn't need a "real" billboard; she can print _her_ ad on white flimsy plastic tied to a stick!

Thu, Nov. 12th, 2009, 09:18 am

Judging from my stay at the Super 8, "super" must be Iowa slang for "dead ladybugs and broken dreams."

Thu, Nov. 12th, 2009, 07:24 am

Attention Jaymates: I'll be on 610 WIP at 8:45 this morning. If you're in Philly and own a fancy AM radio, check it out!

Wed, Nov. 11th, 2009, 01:21 pm

I'm at a Super 8 between a dog food factory and a rendering plant. If you had the over on "minutes Jay weeps in Iowa", you're making money!

Wed, Nov. 11th, 2009, 12:47 pm

I will never know the pain of childbirth, but my wife will never know the pain of a noon show in a cafeteria in Iowa. I think it's a wash.

Wed, Nov. 11th, 2009, 07:40 am

My wife and I have been together 9 years today. She just emailed me "Happy 8 years". Honest mistake? Or was she unhappy 1/9th of the time?

Wed, Nov. 11th, 2009, 04:08 am

If MInnesota was cool, they'd change the names of Minneapolis and St. Paul to "Tomax" and "Xamot".

Wed, Nov. 11th, 2009, 02:43 am

Driving all night. Question: am I big enough back home that if I crash I get a story + an obit or just an obit? I'm thinking obit only.

Wed, Nov. 11th, 2009, 01:13 am

Another lonely night driving by myself. Makes me wish I had multiple personalities. Bonus: masturbating would be like an orgy!

Mon, Nov. 9th, 2009, 09:25 pm

I'm slipping into depression. FYI: While depressed, I shall communicate only through goth poetry. "Vampire darkness/Hot Topic pants."

Mon, Nov. 9th, 2009, 08:16 pm

If aliens come to earth and demand to see proof of our worthiness as a species, I suggest we DO NOT show them AT&T's cell network.

Mon, Nov. 9th, 2009, 07:17 pm

Curious as to what pitching a movie is like? Start approaching random women and asking them "Hey, how 'bout a BJ" until one says yes.

Sat, Nov. 7th, 2009, 06:08 pm

If casinos have to put gambling addiction hotline numbers on their ads, shouldn't strippers have to use their tramp stamp space for VD info?

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