urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jayblackcomedy Kind of like a website. rjblack_16@yahoo.com jayblackcomedy 2009-11-15T10:32:34Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jayblackcomedy:76767 2009-11-15T10:32:34Z 2009-11-15T10:32:34Z Every teen considering smoking should share a hotel room with my brother. It's like spending the night in a 19th century TB clinic. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jayblackcomedy:76292 2009-11-14T23:34:48Z 2009-11-14T23:34:48Z Life truth #1544: in any given bookstore, as the ratio of calendars to books approaches 1:1, the quality of that bookstore approaches 0. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jayblackcomedy:76082 2009-11-14T19:51:18Z 2009-11-14T19:51:18Z Mcing. Just intro'd a rapper named "Alexie". He's mad at me for pronouncing it as it's spelled instead of "Alex-A". I am _so_ getting shot. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jayblackcomedy:75889 2009-11-14T10:57:58Z 2009-11-14T10:57:58Z Challenge: if MIT and Satan were given $10 trillion, could they come up with a less pleasant flying experience than the one we have now? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jayblackcomedy:75762 2009-11-13T13:11:38Z 2009-11-13T13:11:38Z Biiiiiiig woman on the plane next to me. So much of her flesh crept under the armrest that I think I _technically_ cheated on my wife. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jayblackcomedy:75331 2009-11-13T08:12:46Z 2009-11-13T08:12:46Z If MN is the Pippin of "making you want to kill yourself for lack of anything to see while driving at night", then IA is the Jordan. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jayblackcomedy:75085 2009-11-13T04:19:07Z 2009-11-13T04:19:07Z New Jaymate alert: I'll be making another appearance on WIP tomorrow at 5:25 AM. If you're up that early ... reconsider your life choices. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jayblackcomedy:74831 2009-11-12T16:47:55Z 2009-11-12T16:47:55Z Iowa realtor Susan Hawkins is so good she doesn't need a "real" billboard; she can print _her_ ad on white flimsy plastic tied to a stick! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jayblackcomedy:74745 2009-11-12T15:18:10Z 2009-11-12T15:18:10Z Judging from my stay at the Super 8, "super" must be Iowa slang for "dead ladybugs and broken dreams." urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jayblackcomedy:74346 2009-11-12T13:24:30Z 2009-11-12T13:24:30Z Attention Jaymates: I'll be on 610 WIP at 8:45 this morning. If you're in Philly and own a fancy AM radio, check it out! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jayblackcomedy:73991 2009-11-11T19:21:47Z 2009-11-11T19:21:47Z I'm at a Super 8 between a dog food factory and a rendering plant. If you had the over on "minutes Jay weeps in Iowa", you're making money! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jayblackcomedy:73912 2009-11-11T18:47:16Z 2009-11-11T18:47:16Z I will never know the pain of childbirth, but my wife will never know the pain of a noon show in a cafeteria in Iowa. I think it's a wash. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jayblackcomedy:73663 2009-11-11T13:41:12Z 2009-11-11T13:41:12Z My wife and I have been together 9 years today. She just emailed me "Happy 8 years". Honest mistake? Or was she unhappy 1/9th of the time? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jayblackcomedy:73292 2009-11-11T10:08:33Z 2009-11-11T10:08:33Z If MInnesota was cool, they'd change the names of Minneapolis and St. Paul to "Tomax" and "Xamot". urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jayblackcomedy:73033 2009-11-11T08:43:08Z 2009-11-11T08:43:08Z Driving all night. Question: am I big enough back home that if I crash I get a story + an obit or just an obit? I'm thinking obit only. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jayblackcomedy:72732 2009-11-11T07:13:23Z 2009-11-11T07:13:23Z Another lonely night driving by myself. Makes me wish I had multiple personalities. Bonus: masturbating would be like an orgy! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jayblackcomedy:72662 2009-11-10T03:25:02Z 2009-11-10T03:25:02Z I'm slipping into depression. FYI: While depressed, I shall communicate only through goth poetry. "Vampire darkness/Hot Topic pants." urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jayblackcomedy:72325 2009-11-10T02:16:38Z 2009-11-10T02:16:38Z If aliens come to earth and demand to see proof of our worthiness as a species, I suggest we DO NOT show them AT&T's cell network. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jayblackcomedy:71996 2009-11-10T01:17:34Z 2009-11-10T01:17:34Z Curious as to what pitching a movie is like? Start approaching random women and asking them "Hey, how 'bout a BJ" until one says yes. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jayblackcomedy:71834 2009-11-08T00:08:36Z 2009-11-08T00:08:36Z If casinos have to put gambling addiction hotline numbers on their ads, shouldn't strippers have to use their tramp stamp space for VD info? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jayblackcomedy:71626 2009-11-07T13:45:34Z 2009-11-07T13:45:34Z There's a huge sign in LAX that says "Going Down? Use the handrail". Why hasn't an enterprising college kid stolen this for over his bed? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jayblackcomedy:71316 2009-11-05T23:37:43Z 2009-11-05T23:37:43Z E.T. had an easier time phoning home than I have reaching my wife. Thinking about getting a Speak'nSpell and trying that way. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jayblackcomedy:71143 2009-11-05T10:48:19Z 2009-11-05T10:48:19Z If someone is coughing on a plane during flu season, everyone on that plane should be allowed punch him on the way out. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jayblackcomedy:70834 2009-11-05T08:28:27Z 2009-11-05T08:28:27Z Jay Leno joke from 2031: The guy who invented Viagra died yesterday. As a show of respect, the flag will be kept at full mast for 4 hours. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jayblackcomedy:70605 2009-11-04T16:37:44Z 2009-11-04T16:37:44Z Do ghost kids stay at the mental level they were when they died? Because it'd be hard to be scared of someone who falls for "got your nose".